If Simon were in a band, it would have to be called 'Simon and the Secateurs', a bit like 'Martha and the Vandellas', 'Antony and the Johnsons', 'Katrina and the Waves' and those who sang with the Pips, Supremes, Blue Notes and Blockheads.
He's pretty nifty with his secateurs in spring, summer and autumn, and is responsible for making the roses flower prolifically, the penstemons putting on two shows, and the lupins looking tidy rather than forlorn after they have done their bit. He looks after the peonies, the buddleias, the dogwoods, the euphorbias and the philadelphus on his regular rounds, secateurs in hand.
'Gertrude Jekyll' roses
Meanwhile, I'd be in a band called 'Jane and Self-Seeders' which would probably just sit about listening to someone else play the music - although we'd never know what was coming up next.
I'm responsible for the love-in-a-mist in the gravel, the hollyhocks by the fence, the marigolds at the edges of the borders, and the valerian in tulip pots. Best of all, at the moment, are my poppies in the raised beds which have hit new heights this year with lots of cross-pollination and fantastically feathered, pink, plum, lilac and magenta results.
They look particularly good against duvet covers on the washing line,
and require absolutely no effort or gardening tools whatsoever.
But I concede that 'Simon and the Secateurs' would probably have a string of number one hits.